The first time I saw sexually explicit content, I was in form two. A night meant for movies and nothing more turned my life around, just like that. See, I knew what sex was and I knew that a few friends were having it but for me, that was just a distant reality. I sat there staring at the television, this is not something I had planned, it was too sudden, too abrupt, if you have watched” Baby Boy” by Taraji P Henson, you know what I am talking about. So there they were, two naked people grinding at each other, screaming, cursing and calling each other names and I just sat there while my innocent mind was being corrupted. Why is this important? Well, did I forget to mention that I had a grown up watching it beside me. That awkwardness found us all unaware and the sad part is we never talked about it. How could we, when we knew that when a kissing scene came up on television that was when out parents needed a glass of water or dirty dishes removed from the table pronto?
Needless to say from that day I became a sexual being, intrigued to know what was what and just how many ways it could be done, with pornography comes a whole lot of other stuff. It is a gateway to sexual sin and pervasion. A few conversations I have been having lately have revealed the extent to which as African milenials we have become perverted, bit by bit, by things that could have been easily avoided with a simple conversation. There are people who were exposed to sexual content as early as ten years. Those who have been struggling with pornography and masturbation since they can remember, too broken to speak up, too ashamed and afraid to be judged. Funny how when you start talking to people you realise that you are not alone in this.
What’s that saying about glass houses? See the #IfikieWazazi is total and utter bull! The aim of it being to rebuke and condemn, slut shame and judge those young people. Were they doing the right thing, absolutely not! But while we are basing our arguments on how immoral they were could you please kindly tell me where you got the moral compass to gauge their behaviour.
If you had my generation of parents you never got word of what was expected of you especially when it comes to sexuality and our bodies. You were simply supposed to pick it up as you went by. We were told to stay away from boys, why? Probably because they had Ebola or maybe they were witches, we do not know. And when you were seen standing with a boy on the street, your nosy aunt or neighbor went to tell your parents and you got scolded, perhaps you should have been sitting? We were supposed to learn on the job so yes most of us made crazy mistakes that we would not have if we had gotten the proper guidance.
#IfikieWazazi is total and utter bull! When it gets to them what will they do? Let me help you out, the girls are going to be called prostitutes( you know it sounds worse in Swahili) and be told that if they get pregnant they should figure out where the will take the baby. The guys are not going to be told about using peoples daughters wrongly.. ooh no.. They are going to be asked not to misuse their parents money, if they do not want to study they should just come out with it. See this #IfikieWazazi is meant to portray our parents as a force to reckon with, not nurtures, not educators, just brutal people who will deal with us accordingly for misbehaving.
Our greatest problem is in assuming that our mistakes are solely our own. Yes some of those people in the photos know better but still, some of them are just projecting the knowledge and wisdom they never got from their parents not to mention affection and attention. When you are told to learn on the job sometimes you learn faster than others but that doesn’t mean that those who learn at a slower pace are lost. Speak and teach, it resonates with those who are willing to learn.
If you had great parents who were straight about everything, well, lucky you. Our parents were good to us and they still are, they are just victims of the generation they grew up in. It’s on us to break the cycle.
Then there was #IfikieKanisa and since I am a Christian, here’s a bit of church, when you confess to your brothers and sisters at church you are told to pray about it, rebuke the devil, but really? How am I fighting a demon I do not understand. Yet sometimes I feel like that demon and I are one and the same thing. These are some of the reasons why people don’t go to church. We should talk about these things more, so many youngsters are suffering thinking they are the greatest sinners in the world. When you talk about it, you see the commonality of your faults, knowing that if those people overcame so will you. The greatest thing I have learnt is that the devil can’t use what you talk about. To the spiritual parents, as you pray for your children remember to speak to them.